Intense emotions are part of life, and they certainly come with the territory if you’re a writer.
Whether it’s stress, fear, frustration, grief, sorrow, anger, or some other feeling, we all have times when strong emotions threaten to overtake us.
As writers, we can struggle with knowing how to continue our work when these feelings come. They can sabotage us if we do not develop healthy ways of addressing them.
In the worst cases strong emotions can lead us to act out in unhealthy ways and keep us from getting our work into the world.
The purpose of this blog post is to share some tools for addressing intense emotions in ways that are healthy and will allow you to move forward with your creative work.
I’d like to commend three strategies.
Strategy #1: Become aware of the emotion.
The first step to addressing a feeling is knowing you have one, and this is not as easy as it sounds. Often we go through life feeling all kinds of things without noticing them.
My advice is at least once a day to ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now? What’s going on for me?”
Guys, especially, seem to have difficulty naming their emotions, but it’s important to try.
Give what you’re feeling a name. “Ah, that’s fear,” you might say. Or, “I’m sad. I’m feeling really sad right now.”
The reason this is so important is because when we’re able to identify what we’re feeling, we can get some separation from it.
While we have emotions, our emotions need not have us. It’s the difference between holding a glass of water and drowning in the ocean.
When we can identify and name our feelings, we get a little distance from them. We get some needed perspective.
When I do this, I often add the reminder that whatever I’m feeling is a completely normal part of the human experience, because it is. No matter how unique it may seem in the moment, the feeling is normal.
That’s the first step, simply becoming aware of and naming your emotions.
I shot a 1-minute video about this step:
Strategy #2: Remind yourself that this is temporary.
Mindfulness teachers tell us to imagine our emotions as clouds drifting across the sky or leaves floating down a stream.
The point is that whatever you’re feeling, it’s temporary.
At the very least you can be certain the intensity of what you’re feeling is temporary.
Take a deep breath. It’s not permanent.
One way or another, this will pass, just like all your previous emotions have passed.
Strategy #3: Take action.
Having differentiated ourselves from a feeling and having reminded ourselves it’s temporary, now it’s time to take action—hopefully to improve the situation that led us to this emotion (assuming the emotion is one of the unpleasant ones).
Here I want to offer three steps:
- Start with gratitude. No matter how hard life is, we have something to be grateful for, often many things. Take some time to point out to yourself what you’re grateful for. We may not choose our feelings, but we can choose our thoughts, and grateful thoughts fertilize the seed bed of creative problem solving.
- Talk it out. In your journal. In a recorded voice memo. Most importantly, talk about it with a friend or two. Resist the temptation to isolate and keep it inside.
- Act. Decide on action plan. Sometimes I can come up with five different steps to take; sometimes I can only come up with one. My journal is my best friend here. My advice: start close in. Begin with the obvious, and see where it takes you.
[Tweet “From emotional chaos to creative flow: 3 strategies for writers #writerslift #amwriting @chadrallen”]
[Tweet “”We may not choose our feelings, but we can choose our thoughts, and grateful thoughts fertilize the seed bed of creative problem solving.” @chadrallen”]
[reminder]Which of these strategies are you willing to try the next time you’re feeling stuck?[/reminder]
I’m beginning to think you’re stalking my brain; your posts are so timely! As I’m saying good-bye to my Granny, naming feelings has been an exercise, as there is such a range of emotions. Knowing her faith, what awaits is fabulous! Realizing she won’t be here to talk with–not so much. The gratitude part is major, and the action steps have included pushing past resistance to write, calling on a friend to come sit with me, accepting my family’s invitation to take a dinner break a couple of nights and going home to sleep (after ensuring she would be well monitored and cared for). Also, just bawling occasionally. What a gift to have someone in my life who will leave such an absence when she goes Home! Thanks for the article (and thanks, God, for the timing).
You have my prayers, Robyn!
Normal. Temporary. Manageable. Gratitude. Thaks for making the obvious normal, simple and manageable. Especially helpful to those who were trained to repress emotions or look out.
You’re so welcome, Bob! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
This is so true … and all areas I’ve had to work through for myself (aware, temporary, action)! Allowing myself time and not overstressing has helped, quiet time and prayer too.
Thank you for sharing. 🙂
My pleasure, Charlotte-Anne! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
“My advice: start close in. Begin with the obvious, and see where it takes you.”
Could you please clarify this part of #3, planning your action, maybe an example? Is ’close in’ , be close to the emotion and then an easy to conquer step to get you moving? And then, Break down the ’project’ into manageable chunks?
I mean, focus on the next right step. Not 15 steps down the line. Start with the step that’s (often) obvious. Start there and see what develops.
Good advice… Took me a few reads before it really sunk in.
Thank you
You’re welcome, and thank YOU for taking the time to comment, Don!
Wow. I will Name what I feel. I forget/forgot about this. Also, the three actions are inspiring and doable.
“While we have emotions, our emotions need not have us. It’s the difference between holding a glass of water and drowning in the ocean.”
My takeaway. Thank you.
Excellent, Bernadette! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!