A counselor friend recently enrolled in a program to learn a particular kind of therapy. I asked him how it was going, and he told me he loves it. “Get this,” he said, “Our first homework assignment is to practice ‘exquisite self-care.’”
“What?” I said. “Isn’t that a little self-absorbed?”
“I know, right? That’s what we all thought when the prof told us to do it,” my friend answered, “but she was serious. Whatever ‘exquisite self-care’ is for each of us, that’s our homework. It’s been amazing.”
He went on to explain that we can’t take care of others until we take care of ourselves. If we do, we end up freeing others to do the same.
It’s counter-intuitive advice because we’re so accustomed to hearing how important it is to do for others. But if we do for others without taking care of ourselves, we end up angry and tired. It’s not sustainable. [Tweet that!]
Since having this conversation I have been trying to practice exquisite self-care, and my friend’s right, it is amazing. I’d like to offer some observations about what exquisite self-care does and does not mean. Then I’ll offer a couple practical ways to implement the practice.
Exquisite Self-Care Does Not Mean…
- Being selfish
- It’s all about you
- Permanently isolating yourself
- Getting a massage every day
Exquisite Self-Care Does Mean…
- Taking your mental health seriously
- Wholeness
- Doing what you need to do to be truly present with others
- Eating well, drinking lots of water, getting good sleep, and laughing with friends
- Making sacrifices for the sake of others
- Limiting work that bores or drains you
- Doing your art
- Taking risks and exposing yourself to new things
- Doing things that may look selfish but actually refuel you for fully engaging with other people
- Loving others
- Getting a massage every now and again!
- Pursuing a nourishing rhythm of life
- Having tough conversations when you need to have them
- Having the capacity to lean into the pain of those around us
- Helping others take care of themselves
- Getting away to pray or meditate or dream
- Taking the long view on what is best for you
How to Practice Exquisite Self-Care
Practicing exquisite self-care does not have to be difficult. Simply ask yourself regularly throughout the day, “What does exquisite self-care look like in this moment?” Then follow through. If you’re trying to make a decision, ask, “What would exquisite self-care have me do in this situation?” Then act.
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If you found this post helpful, I hope you’ll share it:
The most counter-intuitive advice I can’t live without…and you can’t either! via @chadrallen http://wp.me/p2FgGq-ea [Tweet this!]
Want to change the world? Start by taking exquisite care of yourself. via @chadrallen http://wp.me/p2FgGq-ea [Tweet this!]
Question: How could you practice exquisite self-care in your life? What difference do you think it would make? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
One of the reason my marriage fell apart was because my husband refused to take care of himself and was constantly stressed and angry. Self-care benefits your loved ones as well as yourself.
Wise words, Linda, wrought by hard experience. Thank you.
I’m currently practicing great self-care by vacationing in Hawaii for two weeks. 🙂
This is such an important topic – I am hoping that when I get home and am refreshed, I can do a better job of day-to-day self care. You can’t wait for the yearly vacation!
Hear hear! But I’m SO jealous…
Exactly what I needed to hear today!
Glad I could help, Cynthia!
Amazing advice and encouragement. I think that nails it, if you don’t care of yourself any thing else you do is not sustainable for the long run. That being said I’m really bad at this 🙂 I am going to keep learning and making it a priority because I want to be fully present to others.
Thanks, Lisa. It’s tough for sure.
Working really hard on this! Thanks for posting this!
Me too!